Fear to Love
Pluto stations direct in Capricorn
I woke up afraid this morning.
I can’t quite articulate why, but I felt it in my body the same way I instinctively know when I’m cold or when I’m hungry. It was gently unsettling at first, like being tickled by a mysterious figure in the shadows. And as my nervous system perked up its ears, my stream of thoughts became heavier and heavier as if to guide the fear further into my body. The prospect of a day in bed hiding from the world (and myself) became palpably present, but I wondered if I’d have the courage to spend even a moment alone.
There is, after all, just so much to be afraid of. I dare you to pick up a newspaper and not recoil in terror - the latest international attacks, the approaching hurricane, the national debt crisis, the local crime wave. It’s like our whole world feels bathed in fear, from worry about the future of the planet to apprehension about being late for school. Last night I was even hesitant to use a nice water glass because it might - God forbid - break.
I have tried so many different approaches to working with fear over the years. I’ve followed protocols to fight it, to embrace it, to expunge it, to befriend it. I’ve done long meditations, taken walks in nature, drawn piping hot baths, and performed energy exercises with gusto. I’ve wondered why fear exists at all, and I’ve demanded to know how an unconditionally loving God could fill our lives with something so fundamentally unpleasant.
I don’t have the answer to this question, but I do have faith in the infinite wisdom of Our Universe. I believe that everything we experience is a chance for us to love ourselves more, and this makes fear just another pathway to the heart. Of course it’s not the only way in and I can’t say it’s the nicest one to follow, but the very fact that it’s here gives it a purpose. So how do we greet fear with the same reverence and respect we offer to love? What does it look like when scared becomes sacred?
I’m asking these questions as Pluto - the frozen overlord of (transmuting) fear - slows down to a crawl in the icy sign of Capricorn. This is the last time Pluto will “station” (astrology lingo for “stop”) in this place of structure, strategy, and stone-cold solidity for 230 years, so it is a moment of tremendous significance many times over. I’ve written a fair amount about what this means for us here on Earth - institutional collapse, identity death, that sinking feeling. And with Pluto’s penchant to rip back the curtains on all that lies below, we can expect an even grander reveal in the final act.
Our chilliest of cosmic guides will be hanging out in the last degree of Capricorn until November 19, and its shift back into forward momentum on October 11 will mark a period of considerable consolidation. I often find that planets take on a frenzied state as they prepare to move on to the next sign, like they have a mere matter of minutes to clean up a monumentally messy room before check out. Perhaps in our lives, then, it’s time to gather up all the pieces of ourselves that were once too afraid to be seen.
For my part, I (re)learned today that the most powerful way to work with my fear is to listen to it. After breakfast I held my son in my arms screaming with his all his might that he wanted nothing to do with me, and it was like clutching on to my deepest terror. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this, but it’s the first time I didn’t try to stop my reaction. I didn’t soothe myself with kind words, fresh flowers or hot chocolate. Instead I threw myself on the sofa and bawled as soon as the front door closed, because I was just so crushed by the prospect of being unloved forever.
It was the loneliest I’ve ever felt, and just writing these words is helping me to cry again now. Because after that moment of abject horror, Our Universe pulled out all the stops to remind me that I am not now - and never will be - unloved. This morning I spent hours on the phone with my dear colleague Tamsin finding gratitude for the higher purpose of my fear, and I saw how it can be a force to bring people closer. I felt how moving it is to let people into the places we keep locked away, and this afternoon I let my own wounded heart comfort a friend I saw in tears on the street.
Because we really are in this together. Maybe that’s what turned my fear from a curled up ball on the couch to a warm embrace. I let myself see that my deepest dread is living in a world without love, and then I got firsthand proof that I can let that nightmare go because it will never be realized. I really do deserve to be cherished, and I deserve to cherish myself. So do you.
And just like that, fear showed me the way to love. So as daunting as it can be to let your fear walk you into the wilderness, please know that it’s worth it. And in the spirit of togetherness, I’d be honored to hold your hand as you go. Tamsin and I decided to turn today’s insight into a workshop on changing Fear to Love, and we’d love for you to join us online for two hours of emotional alchemy on Friday, October 11 at 1 pm London time.
We plan celebrate this last Pluto station in Capricorn with intention, purpose, and a profound process of transformation. You’ll find full details on the workshop below, and you can tune into the recording later if you can’t make it live. We hope to see you there, and you have our highest blessings as we all move into what comes next -
Love,
Patrick
PS: Enjoy Wednesday’s Solar Eclipse in Libra! Go easy on yourself as your life rebalances, and I’ll check back in next week with some integration insight.
From Fear to Love: Workshop with Pluto in Capricorn
Friday, October 11th @ 8:00 am ET / 1:00 pm UK / 2:00 pm Europe
Attend Live or Listen Later
Profound, permanent change is in the cosmic cards for all of us this autumn, and the fear you feel in your bones wants to guide the way. As scary as the world might seem, you can learn how to listen to this fear in a safe space with spiritual astrologer Patrick Geary & master healer Tamsin Rachel. We’ll harness the intense transformative prowess of Pluto to melt despair into hope with embodiment exercises, group meditation and energetic alchemy. You’ll leave filled with love for yourself and blessings for all here on Planet Earth.
Sign up here to attend live or watch later, you’ll get the full benefits of the experience no matter when you tune in. Suggested Contribution: £22
