One step forward, two steps back. Or was it two steps forward, one step back?
That’s how it’s felt in my life the past few days. I am seeing so many neatly tied bows become undone, and even long-standing ways of thinking and relating are being blown by the wayside. It’s been a mixture of comedy and calamity, like Jokey Smurf is working overtime to deliver perfectly packaged bombs to all the parts of me that simply won’t be allowed to advance in the way I expected.
At times, I find myself tempted to hold my ground firmly lest I risk sliding hopelessly into the sensation of lost advances. But the more I tune into it, the more this idea of moving forwards and backwards through life feels really funny. It’s like picturing we’re all pawns in a brightly colored board game, finding ourselves whooshed forward, bumped back, or even sent to jail at the whims of the fates. And as much as I enjoy games, it doesn’t feel very appealing to imagine that some force other than me is dictating how I move through life. It feels even less alluring to see that force as chance, an agnostic roll of the dice with no concern for where I end up.
So maybe we don’t need to play the game that way. Maybe we don’t need to think of ourselves in straight-line, rule-bound ways that can leave us feeling like we’re losing ground. Maybe if we are willing to open our eyes and breathe in a higher perspective, we’ll see that our futures are not determined by flimsy paper instruction manuals. Maybe we’ll realize that it is our own hands lovingly rolling the dice and moving the pieces, and maybe we’ll remember that we agreed to play the game of life at and for our pleasure.
When I think about it this way, there is no such thing as moving forwards or backwards. There are just different directions to move in, and the squares we land on are simply places we can visit and re-visit as often as we like. So moving backwards isn’t a reality, it’s a perspective we experience when we start wondering why we ended up where we started.
And if we move backwards with a sense that something has gone wrong, it’s easy to get stuck. We can kick ourselves for stupid mistakes, blame others for pushing us down, curse the circumstances that worked against us. We can scream and shout about how much time and effort we’ve wasted - all for naught! - and we can dig our heels deeper into the emotional quicksand of regret, resentment and disappointment.
But if we move backwards with the knowledge that we have placed ourselves exactly where we need to be, it’s easy to enjoy. We can appreciate how much we have grown and changed, welcome the renewed wisdom of those around us, find gratitude for the chance to reassess and release old ideas. We can see that this all makes perfect sense - of course! - and then we can lift ourselves gently up and away like the whimsical game pieces we are.
Naturally, this insight finds me the week that our favorite trickster Mercury is treating us to a(nother) retrograde. Apart from the usual scheduling snafus and prayers for patience, this time around I’m particularly struck by the very idea of a planet moving in retrograde. Because Mercury doesn’t ever really travel backwards - no planet does - it simply appears to do so against the background of our night sky.
This means that Mercury retrogrades are a wholly subjective experience from our admittedly limited viewpoint here on Earth. If we were to look at the solar system from above, it would be readily apparent that Mercury is forever moving in the same direction. So certainly the same truth applies to our own lives: if we can zoom out to a higher perspective, we will see very clearly that we are in fact always advancing.
Nonetheless, it remains worthy to consider Mercury’s performance of backward movement through the stars. It is a permission slip to retrace your steps, to reconsider your thoughts, to rewrite your story. It’s an invitation to look at the words that bounce around inside your skull, and it’s a reminder to give yourself the quiet headspace you’ll need to see what it’s time to change.
This particular Merury retrograde began on Monday in clutter-clearing Virgo and will end on August 27 in proud Leo. Virgo is Mercury’s earthy home and favotite place to be in the Zodiac; it offers a pronounced passion for making order from chaos, and Mercury’s time there will ask us to redraft the rules that help us make sense of the game we’re all playing. Leo is the radiant realm of the Sun, and Mercury’s time there will prompt us to reidentify with the thoughts that emerge from our mouths as original expressions of who we are.
In other words: this retrogade gives us all an opporunity to sweep away stale beliefs about what we are supposed to do and let our voices descend down more deeply into our hearts. It’s also interesting to note that Mercury has spent this week with Venus, in stark contrast to its retrograde in January next to Mars. Venus brings social and relationship themes to the forefront, and with Mercury it loves to whisper sweet words that soothe the soul.
I have seen and felt this personally on a profound level these past few days. Just as Our Universe has delivered me a wave of bombs that explode in my face, it has sent me a raft of friends from near and far to show me how much I am loved (you know who you are - and THANK YOU). Sometimes we all need to be reminded that we are being held in other people’s hearts, so let this be my own assurance to you that it is so because you’re right here in mine.
Love,
Patrick
PS: Join us for the last Summer Session of the Energy Lab next Tuesday! Register here to attend live or listen later, and find full details below.
Energy Lab
Next session: Tuesday, Aug. 13 @ 8:00 am PT / 11:00 am ET / 4:00 pm UK / 5:00 pm Europe
Come play with us in the Energy Lab! 🧪🧫 There are no limits on ways that you can lovingly work with your energy, and this means there are always new techniques to explore.🚀 So let’s come together and try out some divinely inspired creative exercises to free our energy and find more joy in life.🌟 We’ll learn, we’ll laugh, we’ll expand our energy toolkit, and we’ll get to know ourselves better.💕
Join us the second Tuesday of the month at 8:00 am PT / 11:00 am ET / 4:00 pm UK / 5:00 pm Europe for an hour of energy experiments. From embodied exercises and linguistic hacks to galactic visualizations and angelic assistance, you’re sure to have a blast.💥
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I have a post-it on my desk, it says, "I'm designing the game as I'm playing it." & beneath I've added "There is no design!" Design or not, the more we can live into this "game", the better it gets.